Mary Earps has said she “was probably struggling with depression or anxiety” during the 2020 Covid-19 lockdown when women’s football was suspended.
It is just one element that features in the former England goalkeeper’s new autobiography, All In: Football, Life and Learning to be Unapologetically Me, which is published on Thursday.
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Earps describes how during the 2020 lockdown she went from “shovelling down biscuits instead of meals” to “stopp(ing) eating” and regularly drinking vodka. “I had withdrawn into a shadow of myself,” she writes.
The former Manchester United goalkeeper says she “lost the will and the desire to live” during that period and, although she never acted upon those suicidal thoughts, she considered what means she might take to end her life. It was former United manager Casey Stoney who suggested she see a clinical psychologist, deemed by Earps as the “best thing” the club provided.
Having thought her England career was over under former boss Phil Neville, Earps was recalled to the England squad in Sarina Wiegman’s first camp in September 2021 and then won the 2022 European Championship with the Lionesses.
Here are the key takeaways from a very raw autobiography…
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England’s No 1
The book has already made headlines after The Guardian published an extract on Friday evening in which Earps, who retired from international football five weeks before the 2025 European Championship, criticises Wiegman’s process of deciding England’s No 1 goalkeeper. When Wiegman selected Hannah Hampton, who Earps sometimes refers to in the book as her “competitor”, to start against Ireland in April 2024, Earps says she told Wiegman that “bad behaviour is being rewarded”.
In the book, Earps also says while on England duty in the summer of 2024, she “felt there was a clear lack of care for me and my welfare” and describes the goalkeeping unit’s rapport as “dire”. Hampton and Manchester City’s Khiara Keating were named in the squad at that time, while Orlando Pride’s Anna Moorhouse was called up for the first time later in the international window. “What had been a circus was now a bomb waiting to go off,” she writes, without going into further detail.
The revelations have sent shockwaves through the game, with fans, former players and Chelsea manager Sonia Bompastor invited to comment. Bompastor strongly backed her goalkeeper Hampton and three-time Euros winner Wiegman, saying: “It is unacceptable not to show respect to your team-mates or managers.”
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Former Lioness and England’s most-capped player Fara Williams said in her TNT Sports column that the way in which Earps has made public comments about Hampton is “quite baffling”, while former international team-mate and fellow Euro 2022 winner Ellen White said Earps’ comments made her feel “a little uneasy” and they have “penetrated” the team bubble. Equally, White added she felt “a lot of sadness” for the former England No 1.
Earps has defended her position in a number of media appearances, both before and after the initial extract was published. “It’s been really overwhelming to see how some things have been distorted a little bit,” she told the BBC. “I’ve not written this book to tear anyone down. That is not who I am as a person. This is real life. It has consequences. It isn’t a drama.”
Both England and Wiegman declined to comment when approached by The Athletic.
Struggles with body image
Earps also speaks candidly about her struggles with body image, ingrained from a young age and exacerbated by feeling conscious of coaches watching when she ate. As a teenager, she says she would restrict her calorie intake to try to lose weight. She says football encouraged comparison among her peers, and along with coaches’ “coded language”, she began to dislike her body.
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Such insecurities as a teenager stayed with her. During her time at the then Women’s Super League team Bristol City, she “tried fad diet after fad diet” and took “fat-burning pills” in a desperate attempt to lower the number on the scales. She references a lack of education regarding nutrition, hydration and athlete performance.
Her Manchester United exit
The Paris Saint-Germain goalkeeper says she had hoped to finish her career at Manchester United. Earps joined the WSL side from Wolfsburg in 2019, but in the summer of 2024, her contract was due to expire.
In the background, Earps believes progress towards greater investment in the women’s team remained slow. After Euro 2022, she says the club had promised to relocate the women’s team to the club’s Carrington training ground alongside the men. But the unfulfilled commitment made the players feel, according to Earps, like a “publicity exercise” as opposed to a genuine intent to include them. The team eventually moved into the new £10million ($12.7m) women’s and academy building in the summer of 2023.
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After the 2023 World Cup, in which England lost 1-0 to Spain in the final and Earps won the tournament’s golden glove award, Arsenal made a bid, reportedly significantly higher than the record for a women’s goalkeeper, which stood at £100,000, for the then-United No 1. Earps expected United to contact her, but she says they did not and describes the situation as “dizzying”.
Earps told manager Marc Skinner it left her feeling unvalued and that her future was not a pressing matter. By the start of 2024, Earps says United had still not presented a new offer since their opening proposal before the 2023 World Cup.
United eventually came to the table at the end of the season, and their offer represented a better package overall, but Earps says she felt United, despite aiming to be in contention to win the Champions League by then, “didn’t feel anywhere close”.
She also says United had not told her about moving out of the women’s team’s new building to make way for the men’s first team while renovations were carried out at Carrington during the 2024-25 season. Earps left United in the summer of 2024 and signed a two-year contract with PSG.
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In response to Earps’ comments a United spokesperson said: “We are grateful for the significant contribution Mary made during her time with Manchester United, including a key role in winning our first major women’s trophy in the 2024 FA Cup final. She will always have our respect, and we are looking forward to welcoming her back to Old Trafford for our Champions League game against PSG on Wednesday evening.”
Sexuality and motherhood
Earps also opens up about her sexuality and her partner, Kitty — a former physio at Manchester United — and the challenges their relationship initially posed for her parents. She believes “sexuality isn’t linear” and it is not necessary to “label” it.
Earps, 32, expresses how she has always wanted to have children and discusses conversations around fertility choices and the process of starting egg retrieval surgery. Her PSG contract expires next summer, but she says her career is “far from finished”.
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This article originally appeared in The Athletic.
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